More Tweeting the movies; The Beastmaster

[brushwolf]

Um, if I were a megalomaniac why would I ignore my fanatically loyal witches and order my fanatically loyal monks to suicide? #Beastmaster

SO EVIL THEY MADE A COW PREGGERS. Good way to smuggle babies out of the capital, but don't they have a hideout for safer evil? #Beastmaster

Dude your village is a very nice matte painting but it doesn't lie on the same plane as the rest of the landscape. #Beastmaster

Oh crap! Does anyone speak Low Ursine? Didn't anyone take Intermediate Grizzly in college? Uh... oh. Guess that's a yes. #Beastmaster

TAKE THIS THE KITHMAKER HOOK OF MY PEOPLE AND RIDE AS A LEADER AMONG M... naw just kidding. It's a hoe. Get to farmin' kid. #Beastmaster

"I was thinking if this new German shepherd dog works out of going to the academy.""But harvest is when I need you most, Luke." #Beastmaster

Oh crap the village propane supply just went up! (Most early medieval communities had one.) #Beastmaster

Then he finds that he can see through the eyes of a crow and with his newfound power seeks vengeance! Wait wrong movie. #Beastmaster

"There's nothing for me here. I wanna go with you to Alderaan and learn the ways of the Force." MASSIVE JOHN WILLIAMS MUSIC! #Beastmaster

Ok I'm making snide comments about this bad movie I'm watching at Starbucks don't cry about the way he carefully lays the dog to rest. Damn.

Your father's ferrets. An elegant mustellid, not so clumsy or random as a badger. #Beastmaster

Luuuuuke! Use the Force to levitate the ferret out of the swamp! #WaitWhatMovieIsThis #Beastmaster

So wait he uses his amazing warrior instincts to watch hot babes in secret rather than using his hawk-vision to do it? #Beastmaster

Dude so you use your ADORABLE CAT as a way to pick up chicks? Lame, man. Really not original. #Beastmaster

I'm just gonna stealth into their kitchen & ignore their fluorescent cocoons & not free their captives & check out their stew. #Beastmaster

Then he frees the boy from the cage, gaining a sneak-thief henchman who... uh. I guess that's gonna be some other movie eh? #Beastmaster

And at sundown, she transforms from a magnificent hawk into also a magnificent hawk! #Different80sMovie #Beastmaster

MOS EISLEY SPACEPORT! Luckily his spiffy eagle medallion indicates that his destiny is to rule the entire USPS. #Beastmaster

Dude. The "throw the kid in the fire" sequence they swiped wholesale from Aleksandr Nevskii. #Beastmaster

"Ancient and evil, he rules with an iron fist!""Yeah yeah sure how's that gonna help me get dates with the hot pyramid babe?" #Beastmaster

They're mah friends. Mah friends are animals, Ah make mah friends. Ah'm a genetic desahner. Mah name's Dar. #AlsoWrongMovie #Beastmaster

Oh I get it now thanks to his prenatal experience in a cow's uterus he gained MAGIC CATTLE POWERS to challenge evil! #Beastmaster

AND THEN SHE KICKS HIM BETWEEN THE TESTICLES BY THE SURLY BEARD OF MRIFK #Beastmaster

Oh right Kiera was 50' ahead of a party in metal armor so of course she had a 4 out of 6 chance of spotting the secret door. #Beastmaster

Pursued by a pack of undead luchadores! #Beastmaster

And look, the previous Lawful Evil regime left this useful moat of bubbling tar, perfect for repelling barbarian hordes! #Beastmaster

And they were saved at the last minute by horrifying evil creatures! See, THIS is why you don't have paladins in your party. #Beastmaster

And he leaves the kid a potentially lethal exotic weapon it takes years to properly learn, but also no instructions! #Beastmaster