a short rant

Account for gaps in my employment over the last 10 years?

You found me out! I didn't actually spend any of that time looking for work/revamping my resume/trying to improve my interview technique/trying to conserve money/scared of homelessness and death. Nope! I spent it training with paramilitary organizations in Somalia! I'm like, totally ace at hitting human sized targets with an AK, from the back of a moving Toyota pickup!

And now I'm hell bent for leather on secretly infiltrating your company as an administrative assistant and ruining everything! Because clearly those gaps in employment say things like "I am an evil vicious bastard and a complete flake who's absolutely no good as a secretary" rather than something along the lines of "this is a bad recession, and I probably should have been more careful about accepting temporary assignments which don't look quite as good on paper and which have distinct ends."

And I would've been able to do it if it weren't for your diligence spotting the obvious gaps in employment!