Livetweeting movies; Bulletproof Monk

Okay, there is neither beer or no-beer, drunkenness or sobriety. Why? Because tonight's bad movie is #BulletproofMonk ("Arhants vs Nazis").

Y'know I don't remember Tibetan monks getting into staff fights hundreds of feet above rapids. Maybe it's a Theravada thing. #BproofMonk

Oh CRAP the subtitles are turned off I can't make comments about the dialogue. On the other hand I can make up dialogue. #BProofMonk

Oh man! I know what's in the scroll, it's a reflective sheet of polished copper! Like in MASTER OF IRON PANDA, right? #BMonk

OH CRAP! NOT THE WIND NOT THE FLAG MIND IS MOVING! #BProofMonk

Old Guy Roshi is going to wander the world, like Cain from Kung Fu. OH NO GERMANS HOW DID THEY GET HERE MILES FROM DUNGEON PORN? #BProofMonk

Badass-Roshi already had the scroll in his kesa, but it's magically back in the reliquery & he has to get it out of there again. #BProofMonk

USA Today headline in #BProofMonk; UNIDENTIFIED ASIAN MAN PULLS THREE FROM FIRE. Wow, that little chunk of racism makes me VERY UNCOMFY.

Okay so agents of the Technocracy are pursuing the Akashic through the subway. I mean if I can't PLAY Mage... #BProofMonk

Here's an evil street gang, as researched through painstaking hours of playing Final Fight! They spent dozens of quarters, dude. #BProofMonk

Oh YEAH! If you pick up the pipe you can use it to hit members of the evil Deltoid Gang! WHOA DUDE HE LIKE KNOWS GONG FU. #BProofMonk

'Cause nobody in NYC would notice an Evil Street Gang having a subway car rave near a construction crane. #CapcomVersusBulletproofMonk

Hey! I saw you had hot dogs in your fridge so I asked you to MAKE ME ONE WITH EVERYTHING hur hur. Like that one ever gets old. #BProofMonk

WHOA HE IS SO TOTALLY THE ONE DUDE HE'S GOT THE PYJAMAS HOO HA YA Pretty good huh? #BproofMonk

Attachment creates suffering so if I go through your stuff AND eat Cocoa Puffs in your bed I'm helping you transcend samsara. #BProofMonk

#BulletproofMonks are sort of like cats; they sleep in the middle of your bed and spend hours in one place being one with no-mind.

A giant museum full of photos of human rights abuses so upper class New Yorkers can look at it and feel they're doing something! #BProofMonk

I think Marpa the Translator created that joke about the hot dog vendor making the monk one with everything; I could be wrong. #BProofMonk

OK so #BulletproofMonk ran into a market but there were more minions outside and there was fruit so he ate the strawberry and..oh forget it.

TRAINING MONTAGE! Whoa dude stop like trying to hit me and, y'know, hit me. You think that's like AIR you're breathing? Etc etc. #BProofMonk

"I'm sorry, Karl. But 'Nazi War Criminal' usually doesn't imply a particularly nice person." #BProofMonk

"There's nothing for me here. I wanna go with you to Vulture Peak and be a Xiaolin Monk like my father." #BulletproofMonk

Ugh requisite "they're flirting by fighting!" sequence. Is there ANY movie that's ever done that and had it NOT been queso? #BProofMonk

Dude we are so like going to need a lot of guns whoa. #BulletproofMonk

Please tell me the villain's wearing a copy of his old uniform and doesn't smell like decades worth of ciggies & mothballs. #BulletproofMonk

Apparently the villain has to take #BProofMonk down and uncuff him to punch him because punching him while tied up wasn't sporting enough?

Okay so apparently reading #BulletproofMonk's chest gave Sturmbannfuehrer von Pinkelpause limited telekinesis as well as kung fu.

"Dude so if you're The One you can totally dodge bullets?" "No, dude, I'm saying you so won't have to." "Whoa." #BProofMonk